I say the bank account done caught the Holy Ghost! 

Evening all, 
Yep it’s that time again on my way back from seeing Moo. Something was different today he actually said he wants to go home now. Obvs he’s in jail I’m sure he wants to be home everyday but this was different. 

Moo’s whole demonor was different today he didn’t even eat was odd. 

Definitely a sad one today, had an awkward table which didn’t help but he didn’t eat much either. 

He said I didn’t have to visit every week and I should take a break and jus relax but I don’t know if not seeing him is better or worse. 

It’s all starting to get to me now. Maybe I’m just tired.

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Guess it’s not so bad after all…

Morning peoples! 

Yes, I’m in a good mood today. Saw Moo yesterday and spent the weekend in Bristol as you know and although my Godson tried his best to ruin it still had such a nice time. 

I think I’ve fallen in love with Bristol but you know what I’m like it’s probs jus cos Moo is there. Definitely thinking of spending more time there though. 

Looooool just remembered I told Moo I’m gonna get him a Bristol keyring so when he comes home every time he looks at his keys he remembers. Told man full well we’re not doing this again, you get one with me and you have used it. 

Really miss him so hard not being able to tell him things as and when it happens you try remember everythin and save it for the visit. Just long, trust me. 

In a weird way I’m a little bit glad that this has happened. I don’t know what our relationship would be like had it not happened. Feel like we have definitely gotten to know each properly over this time, seeing as as we can only talked have even had a couple arguments and resolved them like adults.

Not saying it wouldn’t have happened had he not gone to jail but we are both stubborn and hot headed so you know how that goes! 

Till tomorrow 

X

Seven months and counting pt2

Hey guys, 

Sorry thought I posted the last one 2 weeks guessss not as I just published it anyway on to part 2 😊

Had another visit with Moo today he was proper mad cos I was half hour late. There was crazy traffic on the way down very nearly missed the visit. 

Anyway I love seeing him but hate saying bye even if it is only for 2 weeks, feels so long not being able to see him and can’t really talk to him either. 

Feel like we definitely talked more this time. Was so sweet he talks to him mum about me and stuff, I dunno why I was surprised as I know they are close but just made me a little nervous. I know he’s nervous about meeting my 4 parents (yes 4 both have re-married) he doesn’t think my mum will like him but I do so it doesn’t matter. 

Also talked about kids today. They man who claims to not want any said our daughter today (gasssed!!!) and he’s decided what kind of man he wants her to be with, how can I not love him. Everything (-prison) about him makes me feel special jus to be with him. Today is the 1 year anniversary of us reconnecting, he laughed when I told him but I know he was happy I remembered just wish I could see him more often. 

He asked if this was getting too much, which I immediately replied no and I don’t think it is but it’s definitely harder than I thought it wud be. I supposed last time it was jus a friend this time it isn’t. 

Brought D and Kai down with me cos I was pretty cut up after the last visit. Forgot how badly behaved that boy is as much as I love them both I ain’t bringing them again. 

Wanted to run Primark which is only over the road from the hotel as soon as we left he bolted had to chase him down the road and constantly tellin him off or looking for him in the shop and D’s excuse is oh he’s tired been a long day. My G is bad from the moment he wakes up. Ruined dinner with a tantrum cos I took the phone away while we were eating couldn’t even finish my food or cocktails I’d ordered he’s just irritating and rude. 

Not gonna let it run my weekend away, if anything I’ll grab my headphones and go off without them thinking about my boo. 

I miss him as always but can’t wait for the 6th 😬

Seven months and counting…

Morning all! 

I started writing this yesterday but couldn’t seem to get the words out right. You know when your desperately trying to get ur thoughts in line…but parts of it are so random…that just trying to put them together doesn’t even make sense? 

Well that was me yesterday. New day and a little leafy courage, has me here hoping that it all makes sense. 

So Moo and I had our first visit yesterday. After 7 months I finally got to go see my babes. He looks good it might sound bad but I was prayin he wasn’t fat he told me he had put on so much weight but he didn’t say it was all muscle tho. Ffs he’s huge!! Arms, chest, back, neck, legs everythin is jus bigger it’s mad. 

I’ve missed him, really missed him. 

Diary of a Prison Wife

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here, which I suppose is a good thing. I’ve noticed I only really come here to vent, I guess in a way that’s why it’s here.

Decided to touch on a particularly private part of my life, not really something that I share with many. Well not what I’m gonna put here anyway. 

Normally I’d talk to D but she has a man now and you know how that goes, slowly everyone else gets pushed away and forgotten about. The bubble as it may affectionaly be called so I don’t feel I can properly talk to her right now. 

Either way I’m back 😊

Currently on the most painful flight back from Amsterdam. Delayed by an hour and abit then stuck on the plane cos some silly tosser missed his flight and gotta unload their bag. Been a great trip tho met Anthony out there, chilled, smoked, ate and walked around getting lost. Fun, fun, fun. 

Back to the title at hand so I’m a prison wife these days but it’s different this time Moo ( nickname) is gone for 4 years!!! Would love to say it’s not his fault but let’s be real he is a drug dealer jail is kinda part of the package right? 

How did I end up here u might ask? Well fuck knows LOL This year was supposed to be better than the last and I’m 6 months deep into supporting a fool in a cell and just to make it worse ain’t like man is local 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 

BRISTOL! 

My babes is in Bristol doing his thing. 

No you don’t get used to it. No it doesn’t get easier with time and No family and friends don’t understand. Or realise how little things means so much to you or little comments really upset you. Simple things are taken for granted and your not even allowed to get mad or complain at how inconsiderate your best friend can be because they never mean it, didn’t know, you shouldn’t be so sensitive or as they say it’s not a big deal. 

To you, no it isn’t and I’m glad your happy but remember some of us have a little way to go so watchin you sit on the phone 24/7 is not only a little bit of an arseholey move but not seeing the problem is just as annoying. 

Thankfully my babes has a smart phone so I can essentially talk to him whenever I want but sometimes u get busy and wen he’s free your working or other way around so it doesnt always work. 

Not only that but maintaining a connection with someone so far is difficult too especially when you haven’t been able to see them. We have done the 6 months without a visit so until recently the last image I had of him was leaving my bed at silly o’clock on 5th January 2017 saying I’ll be back in abit babes won’t be long. 

Sad times right? I miss that man everyday and I’m starting to think it’s getting worse but then again it may jus be work and not being able to make the kind of time that I used too to talk and stuff or maybe jail life is jus getting to me now….

Feel like even thought I have chosen to wait for him, how do I know that it is actually the right choice. He doesn’t really have much unless he plans to start playin in booty mans kinda gotta wait for me but I don’t. It’s hard thought because I tried not too even went on a couple dates but when no one else takes ur interest or really does anything more for u than pass the time what do you do? 

How am I supposed to make such a life decision when I struggle to pick my own lunch. It’s even harder when you are consumed by constant loneliness and not a friend u trust enough with the time to give a fuck. 

Decisions, decisions I guess. Cant even holla the babes on this one 

The stopgap

Method to my madness I promise. I started writing another post but wanted to mention something else while I’m here real quick ( think I should seriously get back into blogging actually) now I’ve done that little ramble I’m not even 100 on what I wanna say yet. Oh Yeah!!! 

Changes. That was the original title. If you have read any of my last posts I’m sure you can work out that I’ve been through a lot of changes the past year and whatever but never a change like this. 

Maybe it’s me maybe I’m wrong or do things differently but I dunno I just can’t seem to wrap my head around it.

Okay, so people change which is cool but should that mean your relationships with other people should change too? Okay, so in my last post (or future depends when I finish it) I mentioned D and that she has a boyfriend now. Am I the only person who doesn’t thing that it shouldn’t change our friendship? Obvs adjustments need to be made which is normal we can’t spend everyday together anymore and neither should we, but in the same breath should still be able to talk to each other right? 

Yeah? I don’t feel like. All of a sudden it’s like she’s jus cool now and whereas before we supported each other through our depression I feel like I’ve lost that. 

I’ll always have Moo and can talk to him about pretty much anything but outside of this outlet and D I don’t feel comfortable saying something’s to other people and I don’t kno how best to explain that. 

Last time I tried to do that it didn’t come out well and I’m scared to approach it again. 

I don’t like being called crazy or not being able to articulate myself due to emotion. I think that’s why I mostly keep things in. 

Fear of ridicule. 
May just be time for new friends…..

Starting to see the light…

I wrote that title in December when I didn’t know better and thought things were better. Now I’m sitting here in February thinking if only you knew how much worse it was gonna get. 

I’ve noticed a little pattern that I’m quite proud of, obvs we all know I have depression (which I’m no longer self medicating btw 😬)

 I’ve started to be able to recognise when a bad day is coming and I’ll make sure I’m not alone. Thankfully yesterday and today are the only bad days that I’ve had for a few months, but I think that’s more because so much has happened that now is the first time I’ve been able to breath.

It’s odd I’ve got so much to say yet no words come to me. I wanna be left alone but the thought of it is entirely too much.

 I won’t go into the stressful time that I’ve been having instead I’m just tryna be grateful that I’m still here as there are so many who didn’t make it.